After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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