Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm getting married
To pizza
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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