My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize