There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize