Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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