wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize