I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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