That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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