Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize