I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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