im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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