So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Houston, we have a blender
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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