Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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