so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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