I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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