I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize