where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize