If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize