How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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