allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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