You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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