I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize