either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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