is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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