Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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