Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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