I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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