she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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