Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize