I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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