Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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