A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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