Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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