Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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