just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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