I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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