i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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