My hand turned me down
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize