Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize