i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize