they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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