I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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