There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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