He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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