I cannot find my penis.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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