dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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