So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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