I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize