He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize