and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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